


Dream

by jjjjuicy



Category: IT (2017), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Fake Dating, Getting Back Together, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, angst with happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 16:16:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20933099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjjjuicy/pseuds/jjjjuicy
Summary: Dating Eddie had been a dream. Perfect, amazing, wonderful. They were laughing all the time, kissing, teasing, loving. It was everything Richie wanted. It had been like a dream.Incredibly perfect and, apparently, easily susceptible to ending.





	Dream

Dating Eddie had been a dream. Perfect, amazing, wonderful. They were laughing all the time, kissing, teasing, loving. It was everything Richie wanted. It had been like a dream.

Incredibly perfect and, apparently, easily susceptible to ending.

"Why?" Richie asked, stunned, blinking dumbly in the middle of the Kaspbrak kitchen. This was one of the few times when Sonia went out of the house- once a week, for groceries only- so Richie had been excited when Eddie texted him to come over. He was sixteen, horny, and in a relationship, and Eddie was too, so what else could it have been? Except it _was_ something else.

He had a quip for every situation except this one- now he just can stare at Eddie in pure disbelief. 

Richie hadn't been expecting to be broken up with.

He was completely blindsided. They had been through just about everything together and overcame every obstacle they faced. Sure, Richie wasn't exactly thinking about marriage yet or anything permanent because they're sixteen, but he also hadn't considered breakup up with Eddie. It had felt permanent, in some sense. But apparently not.

"I don't think I should be seeing you anymore." Eddie responded, his finger tips impressing indents on his thigh as he looked to the side, avoiding eye contact with Richie.

With Eddie's head turned to the side, love bites from just yesterday night were visible along his neck. It had been just last night when they had been in bed, pressed together, murmuring 'I love you' into each other's ears. When did Eddie decide he wants this? Since when had he known this moment would come? "How long were you planning this?" Richie asked next, looking at Eddie's eyes despite him not returning his gaze. They're red and glossy, with a crystal line of tears pooled at the bottom and looking one blink away from spilling over. "You were just laying in bed with me last night, telling me lies, think- thinking about how you were going to break up with me the next day and the only reason why was because, 'you don't think you should be seeing me anymore' ?" He hiccuped throughout his sentence, annoyed at himself for not being able to keep his composure.

Eddie's eyes widen, as if he just suddenly thought about that, and his expression softened. "Richie, wait, let me-"

"Fuck you, Kaspbrak. Fuck you." The boy with glasses replied before Eddie can continue. With that, he exited the kitchen and went down the hall, throwing open the front door and leaving down the steps, furiously holding back tears. There was no way in hell he was letting _Eddie Kaspbrak _make him cry. The kid was half Richie's size and half Richie's weight, needs an inhaler, wears shorts, was scared to open doors because of doorknobs, and Richie was so, so, helplessly in love with him and he didn't care about any of it. Why should he? They're all just traits Richie _loves _about Eddie and Eddie fucking Kaspbrak was making him cry despite how hard he tries not to let him.

He wiped his eye with the heel of his hand as he walks down the road to his bike, listening for the sound of an opening door and footsteps running behind him to tell him to stop, to come back, he's made a mistake, but they never come. Richie picks up his bike- he always parked it at the end of Eddie's street when he visited because Sonia didn't like when people, especially Richie Tozier, are in her house, whether she was home or not. He mounted the bike and started pedaling, unsure where he was going. It was definitely not home because he didn't want his parents asking questions or making it worse in the way only parents can make things worse.

He eventually realized, as he turns onto Stan's street, that he was driving himself to the Uris household. That made sense. Stanley would comfort him, he thought. He was probably the most sympathetic of the other six, and Eddie wasn't an option- can never be an option- anymore.

He knocked on the door once, then twice, then a third time when the door didn't open. After while, Stanley appeared at the window in the door and pulled it open with a clearly confused and concerned expression on his face. "Rich?" He asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"Can I come in?" He asked. Stanley looked to the right, then the left, and nodded. His stairs are right behind him, and he leads Richie up them, shouting to his mom as he runs up that his friend was over to do a last minute project they both forgot about, which she seems to accept because she tells him that he was welcome to stay but Stanley still has to help with Shabbat dinner for tonight.  
  
  


Quickly, he opened the door to his bedroom and ushered Richie inside, then shutting behind him and hastily sitting on the bed, one leg tucked under him and the other hanging off. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Richie shook his head and exhaled heavily, sitting in front of Stan. "No, I'm fine, I just found out your mom is cheating on me with your dad. She said she would leave him for me, that bitch-"

"Beep beep, Richie." Stan interrupted, then swallowing, leaning forward to provoke Richie to start speaking. It was then when Richie notices terror on his friends face, and he realized what Stan must be thinking about: It.

"Fuck," Richie sighed. "Eddie broke up with me." He told Stan, and saying it made it feel ten times more real. He choked back a sob into a whimper, feeling his throat bob up and down but doing everything in his power to hold back his tears and anger and confusion because _why?_

Stan's eyes widened and his mouth turns into a frown, sitting down next to Richie on the bed. "Really?"

Richie scoffed. "Yeah, fucking really. I don't know what happened, he just-" Richie shuddered. _He just stopped loving me._

"That seems so... unlikely."

"Well, it fucking happened, man-"

"No, I believe you! I just mean it seems odd." Stan shook his head.

"Fuck you, Stan. You're suck a dick." Richie spat hastily, then adding, "I fucked your mom." to let Stan know he wasn't actually mad.

Stan crinkled his nose. "That was worse than usual."

Richie sucked in a shuddering breath. "Yeah," He said, releasing a sob without meaning to, and now unable to suppress them any longer. "I know." His face truned blotchy and he let out the occasionally sob and wheeze- he hated how he cried, always loud, always choppy, just another wrong thing about him.  
  
  


Richie had ended up calling the Losers-minus-Eddie to come over, which felt innately wrong, but Richie had been upset and Stan got overwhelmed easily and he had thought it would be better if they-minus-Eddie were all there. It had been Stan who muttered them each the situation as he opened the door for them while Richie had sat in his room. They all reacted with varying degrees of surprise. Beverly, most of all- her eyes widened, she murmured 'what the fuck?', and then quickly ran up stairs to see Richie.

When Stanley opened up the door for the final member, it was Bill. "Hey." Stan mumbled. "Richie's in my room, everyone's up with him. I'll explain on the way up." He said, motioning for Bill to follow him up the stairs. They walk side by side, not running or jogging like the others. "Basically, Richie came here crying. Eddie broke up with him. We're all confused, really."

"Wh-what about you? You looked pretty f-f-f-f-f.....f-frazzled." Bill responded, furrowing his eyebrow. Stan had thought, for a second, that Bill had just called him pretty, until he managed to convey the final word. "I-I know you can g....get stressed somet-times."

"Oh," Stan responded, looking down at his feet. "No, I'm fine. Now that everyone's here. Uh, mostly. Not Eddie..." His voice trails off.  
  
  


Richie watched as the door opened and Bill and Stan walk in and join the deformed circle they had created on his bedroom floor. He was no longer crying- he'd stop ages ago to make fun of his friends, which didn't work as well with tears streaming down your face. Now they're all having a normal conversation and very particularly trying to avoid any mention of Eddie. When Stan sat down, he announced that his mother said it would be fine if they wanted to stay for Shabbat if they wanted as long as they helped cook and clean afterwards. Beverly quietly stated that her Dad was expecting her home, Mike said something about chores, and Ben said his mom was making dinner tonight and she wanted him home.

After talking for a while, there was a lull in the conversation. Richie laughed to try to fill the quiet, adjusting his glasses.

Bev, sitting next to Richie in her dress with her knees bent and feet tucked to her side, was the first to speak. "We should talk about Eddie." She told the room, and the silence turned uncomfortable. "One of us should talk to him, right?" She offered.

"You guys don't have to stop being friends with him because I'm a pissbaby." Richie mentiond, but his normal humor fell flat. He sunk into himself a bit.

"Bev is right." Ben announced, backing her up like usual. "People don't just end friendships like that without warning. Something could be wrong."

Richie scoffed. "Nothing's wrong. The problem's me."

"Don't s-say that!" Bill countered. "I'll talk to E-E-E-Ed-d-ddie tomorrow."

Eventually, after talking some more, the group slowly trickled out. Mike left first, followed by Bev, who hugged Richie before she went, then Ben left, offering to walk her home. Richie said he was tired and just wanted to go sleep.

"Did you ride your bike here or are your parents picking you up?" Stan asked Bill, tidying up his room a bit. The rug wasn't flat, someone had tugged a blanket off his bed to use, and his desk was moved out of the way to make room for everyone to sit down.

"W-well I th....ought Andrea offered we could stay for dinner? I could g-g-o-"

Stan blinked at him. "No! I just thought you were leaving with everyone else."

"No, I-I'd like to stay." He smiled slightly, and Stan noded.

"Okay. I gotta get you a yarmulke." He grinned.  
  
  


The weekend was odd without Eddie. The Losers always spent it together at the quarry or in the woods or somewhere fun, and though not everyone could make it every weekend, it was still weird having a member missing because they weren't invited rather than some other circumstance. Still, nobody mentioned anything. Bill had already told them what he and Eddie talked about- Eddie had told Bill to 'just fuck off and tell everyone to not try to call'- so they make the unanimous decision to not discuss it after that.

They spent their Saturday on the cliff eating sandwiches in the hot sun and laughing until Bev decided that it was too hot, subsequently stripping to her underwear and jumping into the water below without a moments hesitation, as always. Richie followed her in, telling the others to come, too. He crashed into the water below, loving the dropping feeling of his stomach as he free falls to the lake. He thought about the first time he jumped- he had held Eddie's hand, pretending to be mocking him for being scared, but really Richie had just wanted to hold Eddie's hand. He thought about this as he broke the surface of the water and came back up, shaking his curls to remove them from sticking to his forehead. Sometimes, he would shake his head vigorously and Eddie would compare him to a dog while laughing.

_"Yeah, but I'm your dog, Eds."_

_"Don't call me that!_

_"Maybe I'll bark for you next time you have me all to yourself-"_

_"Shut up, asshole!"_

Richie sighed, paddling over to Beverly who was blowing bubbles into the water in front of her, her eyes crossed to see the bubbles forming just in front of her nose. As he approached, she stopped and raised her head above water. "Hey."

"Hi." Richie replied, pushing a wave of water at her. It wasn't a splash. More like an effort to stay an asshole despite not feeling committed to it.

"How are you doing, honey?" She asked with a frown.

Richie sighed. "I'll get over it, I guess." Bev opened her mouth to respond, but then her focus flickered to something behind Richie's head. He didn't have enough time to respond before his entire backside was being splashed from Mike jumping in the water, and he can tell it was Mike before turning around because he was the only one who made no sound except for a grunt right before he hit the water. Beverly and him dissolve into fits of laughter, and the tense moment passed, which Richie was grateful for.  
  
  


Richie wasn't prepared to see Eddie at school on Monday.

But he had not imagined this.

Eddie walked through the hallway, talking quietly with a smile to _Greta Keene. _Out of all people, it had to be Greta, the very girl who Richie had been convinced Eddie had a crush on before he found out that Eddie, in fact, had a crush on him.

It seemed like a slap in the face as he walked to fourth period with Beverly, clutching onto her books tighter. "Greta." She said simply, holding her mouth in a tight line. "He knows that Greta-" She stops herself, but Richie knew that she was thinking of a bag of trash water being dumped on her head in the girls bathroom held by Vera Bridgewood and some other raging bitch upon Greta Keene's request.

Once again, Richie felt the burning question: "Why?". It seemed to be the one mantra repeating through his head in Chemistry then English and riding his bike home with Bill and Mike, why, why, why?

The three boys dropped their bikes on the driveway and Richie lead them inside and into his kitchen, where Maggie was washing the dishes. They settle down, Richie receiving wide eyes from Mike telling him to get his mom to leave. Normally, they'd be in Richie's room, but it was constantly messy and also had no air conditioning, which was fine in the winter, but unbearable as the year neared summer, causing it to become muggy and uncomfortable. Eddie had called the room a 'cesspool of germs'.

Maggie, noticing the silence of the trio, stopped her scrubbing. "Oh, Richard, am I interrupting something?" She asked, despite them being the ones to interrupt her.

With another glance at Mike, Richie replied, "A little, Ma."

Maggie smiled and placed down the still-wet dish on the side of the sink. "Well then, I'll just be on my way." She scurried off to leave like a little girl running to grab some candy that was promised to her, but stopd at the door post. "Richard, you can talk to me, you know? Always. I'm right here." She said, flashing another grin before disappearing around the corner.

Richie sighed, wanting to believe that. For the most part, his parents are good- they don't neglect or beat him, and that was better than almost everyone everyone in his friend group. The one place where his parents fail to meet Richie's needs was with their homophobia: not a raging kill-all-fags sort of way, but a more silent way. Wentworth reading about a gay man being killed in the newspaper and mumbling to Maggie that he 'had it coming', or Maggie making an offhand remark about 'I can't believe that boy's mother lets him out in a pink polo like that, like a _fairy'_when Eddie was outside the car window waving Richie off. When Maggie had said that, Richie wanted to laugh, wanted to tell her _you can't fucking imagine how much of a fairy that boy is, _but he had stayed silent. He told Eddie about it the next time he saw him, to which Eddie responded by making sure to wear the pink polo next time he and Richie hung out at the Tozier household, which had been the following day. Richie liked watching the way his mother's eyes flicked away from the boy as fast as they could. They had laughed about it upstairs- among other things- in Richie's sweltering room. His mother never said another thing about fairies or pink polos after that, and Richie assumed that she realized Richie had said something to him and her seeing the shirt again was no accident.

A pain stabbed through Richie, thinking of the memory. He can't talk to Maggie, but he can enjoy his time with Mike and Bill.  
  
  


Talking and laughing with Greta Keene meant close to nothing, Richie told himself. Eddie and her can be just friends, after all. And Richie's not the jealous type. Eddie had talked and laughed with Bill before, alone, and Richie hadn't felt the need to supervise or ask one of the others to. He had done the same with Bev, too, and Richie didn't care, because he knew Eddie would never do anything with anyone other than Richie for as long as they were dating. Especially not with a girl.

Except there Eddie and Greta were walking through the hallway, Greta's arm linked with his and staring at him with an awkward smile. He was staring back, too. It makes Richie's stomach churn. When they're alone with the Losers, walking to the Barrens or some other place, he and Eddie linked arms. Never in school, though. That could get them killed. But here Eddie and Greta are, with Eddie looking... happy. Richie had tried multiple times to pull Eddie into unattended classrooms or behind bleachers, really anywhere no one could see them, but Eddie had always been too nervous to do anything. Eventually, Richie stopped trying. Their truly alone moments (or moments in nonjudgemental company) had been enough for him. It truly had.

But Eddie's linking arms with Greta and _he wasn't scared_.

They're about the same height, but if Greta had dared to wear any shoes with a bit of platform, she'd be taller; the scrunchie on her head also gave her some height. Richie tried to think little of the two together, until he saw Eddie slowly give her a kiss on the cheek. When he pulled away, Greta's giving him another smile, and Richie feels like a whole opened up in the ground and swallowed him. He's sure that if It came back now, he'd keep seeing that on repeat. Eddie kissing Greta, albeit on the cheek. Eddie's eyes briefly catch Richie's, and he realized he staring. He turned and walked away without another word, going to find Beverly, who he knew would be on her way to the B Wing just about now.

Sure enough, he caught her just before she entered Geometry, explaining he needed to talk to her. She seemed delighted with the excuse to skip class, leading him to where she usually smoked, which wasn't-so-discreetly behind the bleachers. Richie presumed that adults have seen her there, but failed to give two shits.

"Eds kissed Keene." Richie said plainly.

Bev let out a slow, melancholy sigh. "Poor guy. That girl's a bitch."

"That's not the problem."

She dug into her jacket pocket that she wore despite the rising temperatures- this one was green, complementing her buff-colored dress with little black stars speckling it, fanning out at the bottom into flowy waves- and retrieved a package of cigarettes, then a lighter from her other pocket. She opens the package, stuck a cig between her lips, and lit it before talking. "No, that is the problem." She frowned. "You two broke up. He doesn't owe you anything. And as much as I hate Greta, Eddie's allowed to be his own person."

Richie furrows his eyebrows, knowing she was right, but hating it. "He's gay."

"Or maybe he isn't. You're not the only bisexual person on the planet."

Richie wanted so badly to find a reason, an explanation, an answer to _Why?_ but it felt like the more he asked, the more he saw, the more strayed from an answer.  
  
  


"Richie." Eddie said as the aforementioned boy walked out of his house, adjusting his glasses, full of anger and resentment and turmoil.

It had been something close to twelve o'clock when he had gotten the call, blaring through the house. Maggie had picked up, then shouted at Richie that it was for him. Instead of using the phone in his parent's room, he traveled to the kitchen and used that one, expecting to hear Stan or Ben or anyone but Eddie's pleading voice. "I'm coming to your house. Please- just, please- be outside." And then hanging up.

So Richie waited by the window, staring.

Eddie had approached, waiting outside, looking around, waiting for Richie. Richie just stared at the window, unsure if he was too scared to confront Eddie or just enjoying watching the increasingly more helpless expression Eddie was displaying. He used his inhaler four times in the span of fifteen minutes. And just when he had started walking away, Richie came outside.

"What are you doing here?" He responded, not bothering with a greeting.

Eddie sucked in some air, pressing his lips together. "I needed to see you." He said, letting the words tumble out with his breath. Richie liked the words but didn't show it, remaining neutral and not responding. Wanting more. Wanting why. "Are your parents giving you any trouble?" He continued.

An odd question. "No." A short answer.

"Good." Eddie took a step closer. "I miss you." He said, wiping his hands on his pants.

Richie remained quietly perplexed, his tongue teetering on 'I miss you too' and 'Fuck off'. He chose silence.

He was staring at Eddie for god knows how long, and Eddie was staring at him, and then Eddie' was kissing him, cupping his cheeks and kissing and wanting and needing and then Eddie wasn't kissing him anymore, he was pulling back, he running his fingers through his hair, he was swearing. "Fuck. Fuck!" He said, drawing in more air through his nostrils like he usually did when they start arguing.

"What the fuck was that?" Richie asked, bewildered.

"I have to go."

"No, what the fuck?" Richie repeated, grabbing Eddie by the shoulder and holding him so he didn't start walking away. "You don't get to do that! That's not fair to-to anybody! Not to you, and not to me, and not to our friends!" He started loudly saying, not yelling because that would cause people to start looking out their windows. "Not to your _girlfriend!"_ He added on, because he didn't like the girl, but getting cheated on sucked no matter how bad of a person you are.

Eddie gaped at him, nostrils flared and one hand raised in a point like usual. He looked like he was about to say something, but then his tensed shoulder dropped and so did his hand. "You're right." He said lamely. "I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry."  
  
  


Ben was shaking his head as Richie tells everyone the story, his hair moving with his head. They're all once again sitting on Stanley's bedroom floor. "I think something's wrong." He said, and the reaction of the group showed that he was the first one to ponder it. "Well, think about it. Eddie was acting really weird and hasn't talked to any of us about it. He didn't even do it slowly. We were fine the day before it all happened, and the next, he just stopped talking to us."

Stan shook his head. "It can't be It, right?" He said, voice shaking.

"N-no, we w....w.....w-w-w-w-would have seen I-It by now. And we duh-defeated him." Bill responded, doing a sort of pout with his lips.

"It's probably his mother locking him up and secluding him." Bev added.

Richie groaned. "But she's not! He's dating Greta now. He didn't even deny it when I brought it up. He just left."

"You don't think-" Mike started, but paused. The eyes of the group egged him on. "Well, I was just considering... He's not acting weird, per se. He's acting _straight."_

And with that, a heavy realization settled over the group.

Richie was blindsided.

He hadn't considered that. He had actually looked at the two hickeys he had given Eddie _as _Eddie broke up with him. The chances that Sonia had seen them too-

"What if Sonia found out about you two? Eddie's talked about how she feels about gay people and AIDS before. It's not an outlandish theory." Mike continued.

"Not at all." Bev murmured.

Ben picked up, nodding along as he spoke. "And his mom is at the pharmacist a lot. Greta's the pharmacist's kid! It can be one of those weird set up things. Her dad is definitely the kind of creep who would do that." He reasoned, thinking about the story Richie had animately told about how badass Beverly was, flirting with some old guy so they could steal a bunch of crap for him when he had been cut and bleeding.

Richie hasn't spoken yet, but he did now. "He asked if my parents were giving me any trouble- he wanted to know if Sonia told them." He said slowly. It made sense. Though it sucked for Eddie, it made sense. 

The six all exchange glances. Richie was the first to stand.  
  
  


Coming out to his parents seemed like a first step. And he knew exactly why- because he felt that he couldn't go over to Eddie's house and start preaching about being proud and standing up to his mother without doing the same first.

He ended up going inside his house with all his friends in the front yard, waiting in case anything bad happened.

His mom was cleaning dishes, and he wasn't surprised.

"Ma," He said, walking in hesitantly and standing next to the table, running his finger along it. "I can talk to you about anything, right?" He began, imitating the words she had said to him when he was hanging out with Mike and Bill.

Maggie immediately stopped and placed down the dishes. "Of course." She said. "I'm all ears."

Richie felt, like on some molecular level, his mother will never be able to understand him, no matter who he his. Gay or straight, his mother and him have some sort of disconnect and they can't see to bridge the gap. Richie's gotten used to it. Didn't expect to fill it. Maybe that was why it was just that much easier when he shut his eyes and confessed, "I'm gay."

He had expected a yell or a crash or the universe imploding or something, but nothing came. He opened his eyes to reveal Maggie, just standing there. She made a small sort of noise. "Oh." She said tersely. "I-I had my suspicions, but it's making me rather sore that they're confirmed."

Richie shuffled in his spot, wanting to leave, regretting this immediately.

"But I knew it was coming," She continued. "When that boy showed up in the pink polo after I told you I thought he looked like a fairy. I had known the second you two went upstairs."

"How?" Richie asked.

She walked a little closer to her son so that her body was now pressed against the kitchen island, which he was on the other side of. Her fingers are gripping the countertops, and though she didn't look happy, she also didn't seem to be throwing him out. "Because you went upstairs, even though it's summer. When it's just Stan, you stay in the kitchen. When it's just Bev, you stay in the kitchen. When it's a group, always in the kitchen. But you two had gone upstairs and I knew right then."

Richie stood there, feeling stupid. Yes, they had gone upstairs together in the hot room and did stuff he'd rather his mother not think about him doing. He just can't believe that she'd _known._

"And when he called. I was still on the line- I couldn't help it, I was curious, and it was so late. I was at the window watching you two talk-"

"Ma!"

"-because it's not safe, Richie, it's really not, or else I wouldn't have been looking, but it's not safe! And then, well, you know, and then you'd fought and he'd stormed off. I just minded my own business. Went right to bed!"

Richie sighed. "I'm sorry."

"If this is the choice you want to make with your life, well, I don't agree. I'm not going to hate you for it, though. I'd really like to understand you, and I've always wanted a daughter, so maybe it's my fault that you'd ended up choosing to like boys. Of course, I'm going to tell your father. I don't think he'll be happy."

Richie wanted to correct her, tell her it wasn't a choice, but he didn't have the energy. This was probably the best he could have hoped for. "Beverly and the others are waiting outside for me. I'm going to go."

"Is E-Eddie out there?" She asked, swallowing.

Richie shook his head. "No, he's not."

"Well, I'm glad you don't take those placebos anymore." Greta was saying as the group approached.

" 'Placebos'? I thought it was _'gazebos'!"_

"What?" Greta laughed, and by then the pedaling noises must have sounded closer to the pair, because they both turn their heads at the same time to see them. The smile fell off Greta's face and turned to a sort of snarl, while Eddie looked both scared and happy at the same time.

"Get lost, Gretel." Beverly sneered as they approach, but Greta took a step closer to Eddie's side. He reacted a moment too late, but finally put an arm around her waist, his eyes never meeting Richie's.

"Nice to see you too, Beverly." She drawled and Bev did a double take- she hadn't called her Beaverly. Maybe she finally loosened that ponytail.

"We've came for an explanation." Mike put simply.

"Which will now have to take place in front of Greta because she won't leave." Stan added.

Greta popped her bubble gum, stepping closer to the Losers, Eddie's arm falling off her hip. Immediately, he tugged it close to his body, his eyes tracing the cracks in the pavement. "No, no. I can give the explanation just fine. I wasn't into it at first, but my dad promised me he'd stop fussing over my gum and my teeth if I went on a date with one one of his top customer's kid or whatever, so I agreed. And then he wasn't as bad as I'd thought. He's cute in a weird, skinny, nerdy, babyish way." She said, cocking her head to the side. Her hands are sitting neatly in her two front vest pockets, zipped up. The pockets are a yellow, contrasting the other violets and whites there.

"Thanks, Greta." Eddie scoffed, but somehow didn't seem too mad about it. Almost like... they're friends. Awkward, scared, uncomfortable, and yet friends with the Greta Keene.

"Sorry. I'm not saying I don't dig it." She apologizeed, turning to look at him behind her momentarily. Eddie smiles and a small laugh comes out, but its subdued the second he looks up and see the other's reactions.

"So, Bev, I'm sure you can settle something with the five other guys you've been chumming it with, huh?" She crooned, smiling so wide it was obviously fake.

Bev popped up her middle finger and deadpanned. "Fuck you, Greta."

"Eddie already called me a bitch for pouring trash on you. I won't do it again, promise." She said, sighing. Like she was giving up a battle. Beverly blinked at her, shocked, as Greta rummages through her vest pocket for something, then producing a cigarette. She handed it to Bev, who took it hesitantly, and all seven of them think about how maybe this had something to do with Eddie, or maybe it had something to do with Pennywise being so damn weak. Greta gives a goodbye to everyone, squeezing Eddie's hand once and planting a kiss on his cheek before getting into the drivers seat of her car and driving off.

Eddie watched her down the road, not saying anything until she turned out of sight. Bev said something about needing a lighter, to which Ben pulled one out of his many pant pockets- "I've got one for ya, Bevie!"- and delivering it to her with a smile.

"Are you guys here to beat me up?" Eddie asked, turning to the group. He didn't appear to be joking.

Richie shakes his head. "I came out to my mom. And she's going to tell my dad." He replied. Eddie sucked in some air, looking like a deer in headlights. "She's not mad. Misguided and uneducated but not mad. I wasn't expecting that. Somehow, I don't think Dad will be all that mad either." Eddie didn't respond, so Richie kept going. "Mike has a theory that your mom found out and was threatening to tell Wentworth and Maggie if you didn't end it. Just... tell us if we're wrong?"

A deafening silence filled with only a small whimper from Eddie. "You're... not."

There was a collective sigh of relief.

"You're a dick. You could've told me."

"W-wuh-wuh-we'll give you t-two uh-uh-a minute." Bill said as quickly as he can, walking off with no particular path he was taking. The others follow, Bev trailing in the back with Ben, cigarette smoke trailing her.

"God, Eds, what the fuck happened?" Richie asked, his throat tight.  
  
_____

Eddie came home with a hickey- actually, two matching purple hickeys on the side of his neck- and his mother was convinced he had leukemia and that was why he had bruised so easily from 'falling off his bike'.

She had taken him to the ER.

And they laughed her out.

Sonia drove Eddie home, fuming about how he can be so reckless, so irresponsible, messing about with girls. You can get STD's, Eddie! A baby! Herpes! Eddie, you can get herpes! I never want to see you hanging out with that no good, slutty redhead again, you hear me?!

That made Eddie angry. Angry enough to yell at her that he hasn't been alone with Beverly for weeks, how could it have been her? Then Sonia got quiet and very, very purple.

"You were just hanging with the Tozier boy last night." She said very calmly.

Eddie remained silent. Yes. Yes, he had.

"Oh. You're sick." Sonia continued, staring at Eddie like he was foreign and not the boy she had raised.

"Sick." Eddie repeated, the word he so commonly used now sounding new and frightening, because he had a feeling he knew what she meant.

"I've spent my whole life trying to keep you healthy and that Tozier boy got you sick with homosexual thoughts and you may have AIDS! Everything I've taught you, Eddie!"

"No, Mom, I'm not _sick-"_

"I've got to heal you-"

"Mom!"

"I'll have to tell that boy's parents-" Sonia was saying. By now, her face was becoming a deep shade of red and her eyes were starting to tear, too. Additionally, her jaw was shaking like it so often did when she would cry or become mad, which usually came hand in hand. The thought of his mother telling Richie's parents was too much for Eddie- they'd both have had conversations about their homophobic parents. Eddie knew how his mom would react (exactly like this) and Richie had his assumptions about his own. His most popular? They'd throw him out. That scared Eddie, with things like It and people like Henry Bowers around, and Richie would have no place to go. Realistically, he could stay at one of the Losers house- definitely not Eddie's- but that wouldn't be permanent. And the mental toll it would have on Richie? He'd be outed to the whole town, so he'd have to leave regardless, and Eddie couldn't imagine his own mother hating him. Well, at the time. The disgusted, red look on her face changed that.

"Mommy!" Eddie finally cried out. She stopped her rambling to look at him with wide eyes. "Mommy, please don't tell his parents. Mommy, please, please don't." He begged.

Sonia took a shuddering breath inwards. "It's for his own good."

"No!" Eddie shouted, his voice cracking. The volume changed startled Sonia enough that a tear had slipped down her cheek, rolling to her second chin, dangling there for a second, then dropping off. "You don't get to decide that. He's not your son. He's not your responsibility. And- and if you do that to him, I- I-" He stammered for a second before his eyes fall on a bottle of Tylenol his mom kept in the car. "I won't take my meds. Any of them. So, that's your options."

Sonia scrunched up her face in terror then relaxed it with a sharp exhale. "Fine. Fine! But you're going to need to go to one of those behavioral camps!"

Eddie wobbled, slumping back on the passenger car seat, letting out a breath of air, like his mother had smacked him. He has read about conversion therapy, which ends up with horribly repressed adults, or mental trauma, or suicide, in some cases. He has read about shock torture and beatings and having horrible, horrible ideals shoved down your throat and either killing you or making you into another one of their perfect little drones. The world around Eddie honest-to-god swayed and he lunged for the glove compartment, which has another one of his aspirators. He pulled it to his mouth, pressed the button, and inhaled the spray, gasping for air. "No." He said, shaking his head and trying to come to his senses. What would change her mind? What can change her mind? She can't make him go- Eddie couldn't handle it- "There'd just be other boys," _(but not Richie thank god not Richie even if she doesn't listen even if she ships him away thank god not Richie)_ "And probably AIDS on the doorknobs." He said and swallowed thickly. There was a moment of silence.

"You're right." Sonia muttered as if he had corrected her on a simple fact like, no, Mom, the sky is blue, not green! "Well then here's what we're going to do. First, you're going to break up with that boy."

"Mommy-"

"I don't want to hear it! You're gonna break up with that boy, and I'm going to talk to the pharmacist about you and his daughter going out on a date. She's a nice girl, Eddie. And you're not going to talk to Richard Tozier ever again, you hear me? Not a word. You're going to break up with him, and for his own good you're not going to say anything about this to anyone, got it? Not a peep. You're going to go on a date with that girl and probably a few more because she's very nice and you're going to wonder why you ever thought you liked boys in the first place. So silly. So silly. Yeah, that's what we're going to do."

"Why?" Richie asked, staring at Eddie with eyes like saucers. Eddie wanted to apologize, to take it back, but his mother was standing just around the corner listening in because she didn't want any 'funny business'. All Eddie can do was stand there with his arms crossed, breaking Richie's heart and not being able to stop it. Richie had probably been excited, too, when Eddie told him to come over because Sonia wasn't home. He probably has a condom in his back pocket.

"I don't think I should be seeing you anymore." Eddie forced out tightly, and watching Richie was too much. He turns his head to the side, trying not to let his composure crack. He was stone cold. He wanted this. He didn't want Richie. Or that was what he wanted him to think.

Richie stammered for a bit before asking, "How long were you planning this?" He shuddered. "You were just laying in bed with me last night, telling me lies, think- thinking about how you were going to break up with me the next day and the only reason why was because, 'you don't think you should be seeing me anymore' ?" He kept hiccuping and Eddie watched tears fall down his cheeks and though about how it was his fault.

Eddie hadn't thought about that. Last night he'd told Richie he loved him. He wasn't lying then and if he said it now he wouldn't be lying either. "Richie, wait, let me-" He began, either forgetting or not caring about his mother only a few feet away.

But Richie cut him off. "Fuck you, Kaspbrak. Fuck you." He snarled, and left angry. And single.

Eddie stared at the spot he was at just a few seconds ago and listened to his mother come around the corner. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm so glad that's over. Now don't worry, okay, sweetheart?"

Eddie stared numbly at the spot Richie was at just a few seconds ago, where he broke his heart, and mumbled, "He hates me."

"E-E-Eddie I'm sure you've been exp-peh-pecting this phone call." Bill said to Eddie through the phone.

Eddie was compelled to tell Bill everything, but he can't. Sonia was right next to him, hovering over his shoulder and smelling of Pepto Bismal. "No, I wasn't." He said, listening to his mother's heavy breathing.

"R-Richie's upset."

A small touch to his back from his mom. "Probably."

Bill was quiet. "Are y-y-you ok-kay?"

Eddie was silent for a moment, not knowing what to say. He felt the hand run up his back and grip his shoulder lightly. "I'm doing great, actually." The hand squeezed tighter and she gave him an odd look paired with a nod, mouthing 'Greta'. "And I've got a date tomorrow, too. How about you all fuck off? And tell the others not to call!"

And then Eddie had hung up and cried.

Greta actually ended up being nice. Not in the way Sonia had intended, but Eddie still found her good company after the initial awkwardness filled only by the sound of snapping gum passed.

"You don't really seem interested in me." Greta had said at the end of the third date when Eddie was walking her home. "Vera was giggling about how everyone has sex on the third date, and I went along with her joked, but I know that nothing's going to happen. And- no offense- you're a real loser and I'm hot, so what's the problem?" She asked. Though she phrased it wrong, Eddie could tell it was a genuine question and not just an insult.

For a second, Eddie didn't care. Didn't care if Greta knew or if the whole world knew because for some reason it just didn't matter. "I'm gay. That's why my mom set us up. It was either this or- camp. It's not really working."

He had expected disgust or her to hit him, but instead she made a sound of understanding. "Oh! I thought that you thought I was ugly. That's reassuring." Then she paused. "Sorry about your mom. But hey, now I'm in on this, right? I can totally do this."

He had kissed Greta on the cheek at school even though he knew Bev and Richie were watching.

"I'm sorry." Eddie scooped some mac and cheese from his bowl into his mouth. He sitting cross-legged on his bed with Greta, who also had a bowl of food, except she already finished.

She placed her bowl down on the sheets next to her, then pulled a scrunchie off her wrist and proceeded to tie her hair up. "The fuck are you sorry for?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.

"This probably sucks for you."

Greta sighed. "Yeah. It does. But you're okay most of the time." She replied, shrugging casually. Eddie was unsure about his relationship with Greta- he was always wondering if they're friends or not. One thing he didn't know was that the only reason Greta was being less of a bitch was because Pennywise was weak now. Or maybe because she wears her hair up less so her brain isn't being squeezed all the time. Either way, he was glad for it. She has agreed to help him and not sell him out. That was pretty much all he can ask for in a town as homophobic as Derry- he could've gotten killed once he came out to Greta. But he didn't. "Maybe you could put a good word in for me with Beverly."

Eddie raised his eyebrow. "Beverly Marsh? The one you poured trash on?" He asked incredulously.

"You're not as much of a fucking loser as I thought you were, and Bowers was in a psychiatric hospital, so I was thinking that maybe the rumors and stuff he said about Beverly are probably not true."

"Yeah. They aren't." Eddie cleared his throat. "But I'm not friends with Bev anymore."

"Why not?" Greta adjusted her position on the bed, going from sitting on her feet to cross-legged like Eddie.

"Just the-" He stopped himself. Telling her that the breakup broke him apart from his friends, too, would probably clue her in that he was dating someone in their group. He hasn't told her that his ex was Richie. That wasn't his shit to tell. "A fight."

"Oh." Greta responded, looking at him questioningly. She already knows- Eddie can tell. "Okay, I'm just gonna believe the lie you told me to my face just now."

"Sorry." Eddie cracked a smile and continued eating his mac and cheese.

Eddie can't do this anymore. He can't. Sonia was starting to ask Greta questions and Greta was continuing to get more passive aggressive and Eddie couldn't do this anymore. He wanted his friends. He wanted to go to the playground with Bev or to the library with Ben or maybe he really just wanted to be alone with Richie, to tell him everything, to kiss him one more time-

_"I'm coming to your house. Please- just, please- be outside." _He had rasped into the phone. It was the middle of the night, his mom hadn't been awake, so he knew she wasn't listening in.

Eddie was standing outside his household and- nothing. He hadn't come outside. So Eddie waited, minutes slipping by like water through a bucket of holes, and his heart continuing to drop. He wasn't coming, apparently. Eddie had completely and thoroughly fucked up. Richie hated him. Mike and Stan and Bill and Ben and Bev all hate him. He choked back tears, used his inhaler about four times, and then finally gave up and began to walk back home.

Then Richie had came out, and for a brief moment Eddie thought everything will be alright, that he'll explain everything, that he'll be forgiven.

"Richie." He pleaded now, really looking at him for the first time since they broke up. He was wearing his glasses and his hair was messy because he hadn't brushed it. His pajamas are the same as usually. In fact, he was wearing a shirt that Eddie remembered he wore during one of their sleepovers because that had been the one where he tried to cut Richie's curls and it looked horrible.

"What are you doing here?" Richie asked coldly. His anger was evident.

"I needed to see you." Eddie admitted. _And I need you. And I love you. And I've made a mistake. _But all he asked is, "Are your parents giving you any trouble?" just to make sure that Sonia hadn't said anything.

"No." The answer was clipped .

"Good." Eddie could roll with this. He could explain everything. He just had to start. "I miss you."

No response.

They just stared at each other.

_I love you I love you I love you _ _I love you I love you I love you_

And Eddie couldn't help himself- he leaned forward and kissed Richie because kissing was easier than talking and Eddie can't think of any words. Can't think of any words to tell Richie how fucked up this all is, how fucked up he is, how fucked up Sonia is.

Sonia.

Eddie snapped backward and cursed. What did he do? What if someone saw? He shouldn't have done that. Sonia will find out, Sonia will tell Maggie and Wentworth, they'll both get sent to a- "Fuck. Fuck!"

"What the fuck was that?" Richie asked.

"I have to go." Eddie said. He can't think or breath. He can't feel his arm.

"No, what the fuck?" Richie growled, and Eddie realized he was angry. "You don't get to do that! That's not fair to-to anybody! Not to you, and not to me, and not to our friends!" The boy isn't exactly yelling, but he may as well be. Every word was like a blow. "Not to your new _girlfriend!"_

That hit the hardest. Eddie opened his mouth to speak, to explain, but nothing came out. He had to go. Sonia can't find out. This was stupid. She'll find out.

"You're right. I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry."

Eddie didn't remember what he and Greta were talking about. He just remembered their laughter stopping abruptly because the noise of pedaling bikes getting closer. Then Eddie saw the other six Losers, and he had been happy, then confused. Are they there to beat him up or just passing by? Greta's face turned into a frown at the sight of them, and by the looks of it, she was just doing it out of habit. The bikes carrying six of Eddie's closest friends stop in front of them. Eddie did his best not to look at Richie.

Beverly was glaring. "Get lost, Gretel." She snared.

Greta furrowed her eyebrows and stepped closer to Eddie, then pressed her shoulder against his body. By instinct, he wrapped his arm around her waist even though he knew that he shouldn't, that Richie's watching. His eyes avoided Richie like he was fire.

"Nice to see you too, Beverly." Greta said. The sentence isn't exactly nice, but it wasn't exactly mean, either. This surprised Beverly, who didn't say anything back.

"We've came for an explanation." Mike, all the way to the right, said.

"Which I guess will now have to take place in front of Greta because she won't leave." Stan pointed out. He was next to Beverly, and she turned her head to him, giving a small sort of nod of appreciation.

Greta moved away from Eddie and he let her, taking his arm off her hip gratefully and hugging it to him like he did before his broken arm healed. "No, no. I can give the explanation just fine. I wasn't into it at first, but my dad promised me he'd stop fussing over my gum and my teeth if I went on a date with one one of his top customer's kid or whatever, so I agreed. And then he wasn't as bad as I'd thought. He's cute in a weird, skinny, nerd, baby way." She said, he voice mocking and confident.

"Thanks, Greta." Eddie rolled his eyes without malice. By now, he has realized this was just how Greta is. Her sense of humor was being a massive bitch. And when she wanted to be a bitch, she was a massive bitch. It got confusing, but Eddie was figuring it out.

"Sorry. I'm not saying I don't dig it." She joked back, which caused Eddie to actually laugh out loud because they both know she didn't dig it.

"So, Bev, I'm sure you can settle something with the five other guys you've been chumming it with, huh?"

"Fuck you, Greta."

"Eddie already called be a bitch for pouring trash on you. I won't do it again, promise." She dug a cigarette out of her pocket and handed it to Beverly. Eddie smiled. Sure, she just indirectly called Bev a slut, but the cigarette was nice. It was progress. Bev took it.

After that, Greta walked over to Eddie, and whispered, "They know about you and Tozier?" and disguising it as a kiss on the cheek in case they don't. Eddie didn't respond, just nodded, and she mouthed 'whoops!' to him as she got in her car.

Eddie watched her go. Then, he had to face the others. "Are you guys here to beat me up?" He asked because it was a genuine concern. 

Richie shook his head. "I came out to my mom. And she's going to tell my dad." He said, and Eddie felt the world shake. If Richie was out, but standing here, that meant they didn't take it horribly. Which meant that Richie wouldn't be thrown out of his home or worse if Sonia had told Maggie. Which means- which meant this was all- Eddie didn't want to think it. "She's not mad. Misguided and uneducated but not mad. I wasn't expecting that. I don't think Dad will be either. Mike has a theory that your mom found out and was threatening to tell Wentworth and Maggie if you didn't end it. Just... tell us if we're wrong?"

"You're... not." Eddie said. Which meant this was all pointless. Eddie could have just done _something _other than what he did.

"You're a dick. You could've told me." Richie joked, but it made Eddie want to hurl.

"W-wuh-wuh-we'll give you t-two uh-uh-a minute." Bill said and quickly escorted the rest of the group away, with Beverly smoking Greta's cigarette at the back of them.

"God, Eds, what the fuck happened?"

And Eddie told him.

_____

"I'm sorry." Eddie said, voice cracking.

Richie walked closer to him so they're only a few feet away. "Don't apologize. I get why you did it. I'd do the same." He said softly. He didn't seem angry, but Eddie can't truly tell because he has tears building up in his eyes. "I love you, Eddie."

The tears break and Eddie let out a singular sob before Richie closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around Eddie as he cried. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He repeated like a mantra.

"It's okay. We're okay."

They stay like that for a while, Eddie trying to calm down and Richie whispering in his ear.

When he finally stopped crying, Richie smiled. Eddie could tell because he felt it, as Richie was laying his cheek on his forehead. "This is going to be a bitch to explain to Greta." He laughed.

Eddie laughed, too, but for a different reason. "No, it's not."

"It's not?" Richie questioned, raising one eyebrow.

"She knew."

Richie paused, then his face went slack with shock. "She helped you?"

"Yeah. She's not as bad as she makes herself out to be."

Richie smiled. "Tell that to Bev."

Eddie leaned his head against Richie's chest. "It's so good to have you back. This was the hardest- _the hardest _thing that I've _ever_ done. I'm sorry. I love you so, so much."

"I love you, too." Richie said, pulling Eddie closer.


End file.
